I have a hair appointment today. A very typical thing, right? Not this time. This represents a bit more.
I've talked before about age appropriateness. It's something we all deal with from time to time, and as I get older, I find myself contemplating more often. I know plenty of people who steadfastly refuse to change their clothing, hair, or makeup, no matter their age or circumstance. Part of me agrees that with that - we should all be comfortable in our own skin, and like the way we look.
But part of me also knows how difficult appearance can be. It's no surprise to say people do judge you based on your looks. The standard line "once they get to know me" becomes less acceptable as we get older, because we know people don't want to take the time to get to know you if they're put off by your exterior. Dress up in your finest goth attire and go grocery shopping, you'll get a much different reaction than when you're in your "mommy on the go" clothes. It's just the way it is.
I've made changes over the years, particularly in the last couple. Some of these adjustments have been because I no longer feel at ease in some of my clothing, while some have been to blend in more with the other parents.
I've gone through three intervals where I really try to convince myself that I can do this, the longest being three years. But at some point I realize it's just no good; I feel fragmented. In the end, I feel relieved to pull off what feels like a costume.
Is it because I'm pushing myself too much? Is it that I'm just so used to doing things one way that another feels alien? I don't know.
After trying to change my hair last year, I went through a long stretch of trying to "work with it" and be content. But no matter how much I try to tell myself otherwise, I'm heavy hearted. While it seems like a small step, this appointment will go a long way in making me feel whole again. As you read this, I'll be at my appointment. I should have some pics for you soon.
Please, the next time I start talking about doing something I shouldn't, stop me.
Thanks for reading.